new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
