Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
