Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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