she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
