he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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