enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
