I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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