well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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