Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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