It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
