I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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