Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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