Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
