I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What a dumb baby whore.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
