i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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