The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Damn victory sex feels great
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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