I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
