Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
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I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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