Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
