I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm always down for nudity.
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