if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize