how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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