Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
