Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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