I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
