i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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