Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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