My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
