I puked a lego.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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