I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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