I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
