Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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