I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
