I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
