I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
