he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
