I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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