remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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