If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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