Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Hippo gnu deer
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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