Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
