I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
