Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
