just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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