I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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