How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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