They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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