I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.