Texts From Last Night

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  (925): View more from California

  we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks

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  (925): we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks http://tfl.nu/odpi
  Replies (19) Good night (1730) Bad night (4184)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.

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  (815): Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long. http://tfl.nu/t49w
  Replies (7) Good night (3760) Bad night (1009)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?

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  (203): We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad? http://tfl.nu/ilwk
  Replies (37) Good night (8039) Bad night (1543)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.

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  (303): i'm in workout clothes. this is progress. http://tfl.nu/dj1r
  Replies (22) Good night (3967) Bad night (1026)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.

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  (902): I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence. http://tfl.nu/pvbz
  Replies (11) Good night (5475) Bad night (958)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?

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  (270): How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night? http://tfl.nu/sgi1
  Replies (13) Good night (1081) Bad night (2988)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life

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  (201): just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life http://tfl.nu/grtz
  Replies (6) Good night (2702) Bad night (1012)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is

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  (248): I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is http://tfl.nu/r4l9
  Replies (9) Good night (4434) Bad night (905)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.

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  (727): This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade. http://tfl.nu/uwxc
  Replies (3) Good night (1475) Bad night (906)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.

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  (732): I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach. http://tfl.nu/2w13
  Replies (8) Good night (2671) Bad night (691)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.

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  (423): We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off. http://tfl.nu/yele
  Replies (17) Good night (3208) Bad night (509)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.

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  (479): Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing. http://tfl.nu/uted
  Replies (2) Good night (1133) Bad night (373)
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  (818): View more from California

  Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.

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  (818): Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win. http://tfl.nu/6d7w
  Replies (3) Good night (724) Bad night (318)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.

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  (402): I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween. http://tfl.nu/gen2
  Replies (1) Good night (617) Bad night (343)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.

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  (406): That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol. http://tfl.nu/ierd
  Replies (1) Good night (585) Bad night (283)

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