Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
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I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him