She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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