I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?