your parents love me but you hate me
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
