i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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