I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
