I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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