the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
