Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
