Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
