Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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