Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
