wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize