And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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