Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I am available for nakedness
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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