I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
